upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
