Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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