New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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