I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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