HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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