you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The adults are the big ones right?
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