So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
