o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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