Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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