walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
