I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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