Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
