My liver just broke up with me...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
