I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
