You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
