There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize