Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
