I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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