Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
