Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
