Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize