chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
