I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I need moral support for this bender
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
