And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
