Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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