There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
