I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
