Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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