Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
