I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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