If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize