Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize