You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
