At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
