I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
