I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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