Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
