I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
