I skipped work to stalk him.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
