I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
