Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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