Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
