its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
