Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize