He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ladies don't puke and tell
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
