I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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