Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
