I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize