i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
