so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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