Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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