I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
