dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
