it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Welp...herpes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
