I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
