that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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