I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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