I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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