how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
