I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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