If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
