Everything about him screamed your future.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
