Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
