Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
