did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
