Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
