My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
