Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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