I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
