She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
