it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
