The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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