your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
