Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
